I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Come on in and take your pants off
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