I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
