if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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