Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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