He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
