You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
