I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
