The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
