I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
