Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
