We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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