I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
