The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
