actually, I'm a sock model
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
