how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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