I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
