my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
