I think my vagina is haunted
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
