i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
