Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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