i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize