Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
