Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
