If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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