I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize