Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have fence marks all over my body
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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