Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
