apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
