I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
