guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
