The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
