Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
