So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
