I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
