He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
