No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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