I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
