At least make sure they are 18
Why
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize