Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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