yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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