at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
