the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
