I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
