they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
