I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i will never coherently bang her
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
