The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
