I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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