when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
