Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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