we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize