Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Hippo gnu deer
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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