So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
