Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
