Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
