tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
