Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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