wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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