I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
