dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
