didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
