it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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