I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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