Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I am available for nakedness
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
