would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
