How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
