I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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